Back in November, I cheated on my boyfriend because I lost that love from him

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 6 months ago. He found out i was talking to my former ex boyfriend while searching my phone while i was away. In the messages it reveals me and my former ex have seen eachother once, and had a kiss. I completely broke his trust. I dont know why i did it but i feel so guilty. My ex found out after 5 months. After finding out, we decided to stick together. While i thought he forgave me, and starting to feel like it had no further effects on our relationship, he suddenly starts to change 4 months later. He became distant and emotionless towards me, but he didn’t told me what was wrong. After a month he finally said to me:” i’m sorry but i still can’t trust you. I tried but i can’t. Everytime you go out with your friends i am thinking of you secretly meeting up with your former ex boyfriend. Also i’ll never know if it was just a kiss, or something more happened. I’m sorry but i have to break up with you” I was so heartbroken. Over the time i was really falling in love with him more and more each day. I begged him to take me back and said i was sorry so many times.. We agreed to stay friends after the breakup, and we are still occasionally seeing eachother and being intimate. But i feel like i pushed him away by begging him to try and be with me.. Now i feel like i can’t get over him, and it was so stupid to ‘remain friends’. He doesn’t contact me that much, and he isn’t as sweet to me as he was before. I still feel some sort of distance. Also i feel like sometimes it’s really one-sided and he doesn’t really want to be friends or get back together at all. Read more