He’s gotten a lot better, but he still sometimes messes up. I try to kindly correct him when he slips up, and he tries to understand when I get frustrated with him. I sometimes get discouraged and feel overwhelmed. But he reassures me that he’ll get this down, and all of this will become our norm soon.

But I also know that love shouldn’t, and doesn’t, have a defined look

Reactions from other family members about my pronouns have varied. Some of them choose to sidestep my pronoun use and just use “McKenna.” Others try to be supportive, but have this mentality of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Some questioned my need to come out in the first place, believing that non-binary gender should be the norm anyway. Others dare not say anything negative but are visibly embarrassed when I correct them, specifically when they refer to me around people outside of the family.

By the time I came out, our twins were already a year old, and they were calling me “mama.” I not only felt uncomfortable with being called “mama,” but also felt distressed by the roles that often came along with being a mother, like being the primary caregiver, doing the majority of the housework, and being the go-to person to make decisions pertaining to our children. Read more